Thoughts of Love...but not like you think

Look at that, another blog already! Maybe I am (finally) getting back onto my pattern. Okay, the topic for the day is...wait for it...love. Ah, love. The feeling that creates illusions of tiptoeing through clouds, oblivious to the world below and around you. Having never experienced this emotion, all that I can know about it is what I've seen and read about. And that leads me to my issue. I didn't realize for a long time that it was an issue, but I'm becoming more aware that it is, in fact, a wide-spread pandemic that corrupts the minds of those it touches.

Let me start from the beginning. I was on the treadmill the other day, letting my mind frolic in a meandering way through flights of fancy, and I began thinking about why teenage romances are so popular among people (mostly female) of all ages. Why are we so drawn to the idea of young love? Why not old love, or mature love? What is it about the youth that appeals, other than the obvious distaste in general for age which only serves as a reminder of our own mortality? And then I started thinking about how teenage love is usually characterized. Typically, the boy and girl become completely obsessed with each other to some degree. Family, friends, school, nothing else is as important as this other person, their "soul mate." The very reason for their existence on the planet is wrapped up in this one individual. Any time where they are separated is deemed as empty space, a waiting period until they can be rejoined with the one they love so desperately.

Is that really what love is? Real life teaches us that, no, it's not like that at all. The best and healthiest relationships that I've seen are when there is a balance between time together and time apart. The strongest relationships I've seen are when they don't need to constantly be with each other to prove their love. They each have their own lives, in which the other is inextricably twined without completely dominating everything. In fact, couples that neglect everything and everyone in their lives for the sake of the person they claim to love usually end up exhausting themselves or the other person at some point. And when that point comes, they have nothing left in their life to fill the void.

So why, if we know this, do we perpetuate the myth that another person can be the answer to your quest for self worth? If you can just find that one person who was meant for you, your life will have meaning, and you'll finally be happy. Bulls**t. The truth, as far as I can see, is that having another person in your life, no matter how important that person might be, will not ultimately affect your outlook on life or your concept of yourself. If you were miserable before you were married, why do you think you'll suddenly be singing like Maria from the Sound of Music after you have a ring on your finger? It's sure fun to sing about "climbing every mountain," but unless you have the inner strength to actually do it, you'll find yourself either huffing at the bottom while everyone goes ahead, or force others to carry the burden of your weight as you attempt to schlep along, fostering resentment in them with every step.

So again, I ask, why do we delude ourselves with these unrealistic expectations? The answer, of course, is as simple as it is unpalatable. The only one we really need is God. He created us with a sense of dependency, of the knowledge that there's something more to life beyond ourselves. He made us with a knowledge that everything we are, everything we need, comes from Him. We can never be too needy or too dependent on Him, because His love knows no end. When we pin all of our hopes on another person, we're trying to fit them into a place that only God can fill. This is a dangerous position for people to be in, because people simply are not God. Duh.

When I was a kid, I'd sometimes sit in a cardboard box (or the occasional paper bag) and pretend that I was in some kind of transport vehicle. Usually it was a car. Hey, I was a kid, not some creative genius. Anyway, despite how much fun I had playing in my box (or bag), when it was time to go somewhere, I'd get into the real thing. People who try to use another person to fill the God-void are like someone who is sitting inside a box, happily imagining all the places they'll go, only to realize at some point that they aren't actually going anywhere. Is it reasonable for them to then become upset that they haven't reached their destination? Is it the box's fault, or the idiot's for believing the box holds some magical transportive powers? Yet so many marriages break up because of the mistaken belief that the other person holds the keys to the universe, only to crumble when the truth comes to light.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and decry the need to have love in your life. Yes, we should have people to love. God made Eve for Adam, saying that it wasn't right for him to be alone. We need people around us to practice giving and receiving love and affection. The problem is when we elevate that person to God's place. Yes, we should love and trust people. Yes, we should let them into our hearts and allow for the merging of two separate lives. No, we should not believe that they can provide complete fulfillment of all out hopes and dreams. Companionship, yes. Fulfillment, no.