Bollax

bol*lax: (adj) an expression reserved for umpleasantly hopeless situations.

Well, that's my definition, anyway. Today started off as a bollax day. This was probably aided by my recent inability to sleep an entire night, which has resulted in two weeks worth of fatigue and irritability. There's a reason why I haven't been hanging around very many people lately. I want them to still like me, and not say stupid things to drive them away in a moment of extreme irritation. To this end, I keep my irrational self to myself.

Anyway, so I was already tired, but I was feeling pretty good, because I'd just gotten a new haircut and wanted to show it off to my family during our weekly skype session. I made myself all pretty, went down early, and settled in to wait for them to log on. There was just one little problem. During my wait, my computer decided that it could no longer connect to the internet. This has happened before, but usually when I'm some distance from the internet source, not 5 FEET AWAY!!!! So, I spent about half an hour fighting with it before giving up. Of course, the internet is working just fine for the staff computers, but I can't skype with them. :( Sadness.

Anyway, it was in the midst of my cursing the internet and its supposed parentage that I took a moment to think about why I'm so bothered by not talking to my family for one week. This has happened before, but not with this extreme of a reaction. The conclusion I came to is that I'm homesick. It took me 9 months to get there, but I am. I miss my family, especially Noah and Abby, and all I want is to hug them for at least 10 minutes straight (Or as long as I can get with a 4 year old).

Follow that up with the fact that a situation has recently arisen where I could really use some advice from my sister. I hate that I can't just go over to her house and flop down on her couch for some girl talk. I have great friends here, but it's not quite the same as having a heart to heart with someone who has known you your entire life. It really helps move things along when you don't have to preface the scenario with a personal background for the full effect to be understood.

So, I miss my family. I still love living and teaching in Thailand, but I want to go home. Just for a few days, and then return, but that's not really possible.

Yes, this note is a downer. I'm hoping the next one will be brighter.