God's Providential Permission

A few days ago, while reading Oswald Chambers’s My Utmost for His Highest, he was discussing having a deep peace that is undisturbed by God’s “providential permission.”  As I was reading about how God allows certain things to happen with His permission, it brought to mind 2 stories from the Gospels.  

In one story, Jesus calmed the waves that were threatening to overturn the boat that He and His friends were in.  In that story, He calmed the storm with a simple word.  Instantly, the waves calmed and the wind died down.  Jesus proved that His power extended to Nature—which tends to obey Him so much more quickly and joyfully than we do.  

In another story, Jesus showed His power in a different way by walking on top of the water.  He commanded the rolling waves to bear up His weight, and they did—defying its natural way of being.  Peter saw the way that Jesus was in control of the situation, and longed to join His friend and savior.  Under Jesus’ command, the water bore up Peter’s weight just as it did His own.  

When Peter initially stepped out, he was focused on Jesus.  His heart was at peace and he was confident in where he was and who he was walking towards.  After a while, though, he became distracted.  He began to pay more attention to the wind and the waves than to the Creator of the air and water.  Like we so often do, Pete just didn’t get it, and he panicked.  Jesus had already proved that Nature herself obeyed Him.  Everything was under His providential permission.  

What struck me this time while recalling the familiar story was that Jesus was not asking Peter to calm the wind, as He had done earlier.  Neither did He calm the surroundings to make it easier for Peter to focus without distraction.  He didn’t calm the chaos, though it was within His ability, but instead invited Peter to enter in to His peace.  The peace offered was so complete that the wind and waves wouldn’t matter.  Everything pales when compared to Christ’s love and compassion.

We are not called to escape the chaos and uncertainty of life, neither are we called to calm it—at least not in all situations.  Instead, we are called to find such inner peace in Christ that even as the world swirls around us, we continue, undeterred, along the path God has set us on.  

A few years back, God and I had a bit of a struggle, as I was bitter about not having received what I thought was my right.  I was under the misguided assumption that if I followed God and allowed Him to rule over all areas of my life, He would reward me with the things that I thought were good—in this case, a husband, children, and a home.  I was upset that after a lifetime of devoting myself to good things, I had little in the way of the world to show for it.  “Where is my reward?” I would cry out.  “Where are the good things that I want?  I see other people who have what I want, why don’t I have it?”

After some time of being honest with myself that I was feeling this in my heart, I was finally able to hear His answer.

“My child, I never promised you any of those things.  I never said that you would have a husband or children.  I never promised that you would have safety or comfort.  These are expectations that you have placed on Me.  I have promised only that I will be with you.  Through all the twists and turns, surprise and terror, joy and sorrow, I will be with you.  I will comfort you and I will let nothing happen that does not ultimately work towards the glory of My kingdom.  I am enough.”

When we have an idea of where God is, we need to ask ourselves, “do I see God here because I see evidence of Him, or is it simply where I expect Him to be?”  Is this situation something I need to fix, or do I need to simply enter into God's peace, trusting in His providential permission?

If you're like me, trusting and resting do not come naturally, yet when you are able to let go and enter in, trusting that God is in complete and utter control, the sense of peace and freedom are unparalleled.

30 Years of Life!

Great Wall of China--October 2012

Well, look at that.  Nearly a year later, and I'm STILL alive!  My first year of being in my 30's is shaping up to be quite the adventure.  In the past year, I've traveled to China, Guatemala, and Germany with a variety of friends, begun my 4th year teaching in Thailand, met new people, deepened relationships, and most of all, rediscovered my Joy.  God has been so good to me, and He reminds me daily.

China was a trip I took during my semester break in China.  It was a very challenging trip for a variety of reasons, but it was truly amazing seeing the mixture of ancient and modern right next to each other.  We stayed mostly in Beijing, and were able to see a lot of classic Chinese sights.  My favorite, of course, was the Great Wall.  Note to those wanting to see it: the walk to the top is LONG!  Like, prepare as you would for a hiking trip "long."  On the other hand, completely worth it.

Tikal, Guatemala--April 2013

Guatemala was a chance to see my friend, Eunice, with Esther.  We were able to travel around and see some of the amazing sights Guatemala has to offer, but my favorite part without doubt was when we went to Eunice's work and were able to see how God is moving there.  It was my first time traveling to a third world country, and I can't honestly say that it was an "eye-opener" as my eyes were pretty open beforehand, but it was most definitely a life-altering trip.  I saw God at work, and felt the urge to get involved, yet through it all, God was reminding me that my ministry is elsewhere.  I rejoice in seeing God's work being done, and I also rejoice that I am still certain that I am in God's Will in my own life.

Cologne, Germany--July 2013

Germany was on the more spontaneous end of my trips.  My friend, Ellen, was going to be traveling in Germany, and through a sequence of events was going to be traveling alone.  I checked with my administration, and received permission to take a week off of school to go with her.  It was awesome!!  We started in Frankfurt, then went to Bacharach on the Rhine, Cologne, and finally, Heidelberg.  I haven't been to Europe since I was 18 and traveling for the first time, so it was certainly a treat.  It was so much fun seeing the sights and getting to know Ellen better.  It made having to re-train my kids when I got back completely worth it.


Anyway, the school year is off to a great start.  At the end of last year, I was told to prepare for 24 students, possibly more. The prospect of 24-25 three-year-olds who neither speak English nor know how to be students concerned me, particularly as we had both the space and a suitable applicant for a second class.  After many talks, the administration decided to split the class.  And then, it turned out that a family of triplets left, leaving me with a class of 10.  10!!  I hardly know what to do, I've never had such a small class. 

Me and Imm

Tigger playing with blocks

One of the best things about having such a small class (beyond the sanity-saving effect that it produces) is that I am really getting to know my students better.  It doesn't hurt that their English is coming along much more rapidly as well due to having more opportunities to practice with me.

I love my job, and am so blessed to be happy to go to work in the morning, though I do have the occasional days where I want to put academics on hold and just cuddle with them for the day. 

Well, that's a brief update on my life.  Hopefully I'll add more before I'm 31.  We shall see.  In the meantime, remember: you are fully and completely loved by God.  Act like it.