...every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
Well, the school year has finally ended! For our last day, we had a beach theme. The kids came in beach clothes and we played water games for about an hour outside. Then, we changed into dry clothes, had lunch, watched a movie, and that was it for their last day of K-1. It was very bittersweet to see them go. I have come to really love each of those students, and I will miss teaching them. I am looking forward to the next batch, though.
I have a few more weeks before I'll be headed back to the States. I'm leaving on Sunday to go to Kho Chang with some friends. I'm really looking forward to spending some good quality time with the beach. That trip will be for a few days. I'm not positive on how to spend my remaining time. Most of the teachers here will be going back to the States this week, though my "outside GES friends" will still be here.
I'm really looking forward to going back home. I miss being around my friends and family. I'm also very excited about going to the East coast to see my family over there. I can't wait to be a tourist in DC again! There's something special about being a tourist in your own country. I also have a wedding to look forward to. Woohoo! So many plans! So many people to see! Now to hope that I have enough resources to do all that I hope to. :)
Friday, March 30, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
No Choice!
An interesting aspect about the Christian faith is that to truly follow it, you must surrender all of your rights. To truly allow God to work out His justice in your life, you must become defenseless of any armor that does not come from Him. We are told that our struggle is not against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness. Because our struggle is not against flesh and blood, we have no call to use the weapons of flesh and blood.
This was a really hard concept for me to grasp, and it still is at times. When people wrong me, I want to react in a fleshly way. I want to fight back, to wound, to draw just as much blood as has been drawn from me. I want retaliation. I want justice!
And then I remember that justice was done away with at the cross.
To live under justice means to remove yourself from the cover of grace. The absurdity of the Christian faith is that people are not dealt with justly in the way that we define justice. Under the law of justice, we all deserve to go to Hell. None of us deserve to be in God's presence. None of us are good enough or smart enough to be considered an equal with God. None of us can come close to God without His provision. Grace wipes away what we deserve and replaces it with His love.
To deny anyone else that freely given love and grace would be the blackest of returns. Jesus Himself said that if we insist on holding others accountable to the law, then we will also be held to the same standard. Unfortunately, the standard is such that we all fail.
So what does that mean? People can do whatever they want to me without any form of repercussion? I just sit there and take it? It took me awhile to say it, but yes. Yes, you take it.
Does this mean I become a doormat who lets everyone take advantage of me? Not necessarily. We are urged to be as innocent as doves and as cunning as foxes. Yes, take care of yourself, but do it all while honoring God.
This is made easier when you realize who it is that you are dealing with. Every person you meet is a child of God. Each one has their own stories to tell and each one has been crafted by God's hands. God is a protective Father, and He does not take it lightly when people come between Him and His children. It puts a bit of fear in me when I consider how my actions might be preventing someone from having a full and healthy relationship with God. Whether or not they choose to have that relationship, I do not want to be the person standing in the way.
The hard truth is that we are left with no real choice. I have no choice about forgiving someone who has hurt me. I have no choice about showing someone love. I have no choice about treating someone with respect. Each person has a fingerprint of God, and I am left with no uncertain instructions about how I ought to treat them.
Is this easy when I become frustrated or angry or irritated? Of course not. That's why He gave us the Holy Spirit to help tap into His great love and mercy. There is no way I have enough love in my tiny, bitter heart to forgive anyone more than once, and even then it's half-hearted. With God, all things are possible, even loving those whose hurts cut the deepest.
I should probably point out here that I in no way execute this with any degree of proficiency. By God's grace, He has been transforming me more and more into His image, but I am certainly nowhere near completion. The wonderful thing about God is that He doesn't ask for perfection. He asks for my cold, tattered remnant of a heart and offers to replace it with His own. How can I turn down such an offer?
This was a really hard concept for me to grasp, and it still is at times. When people wrong me, I want to react in a fleshly way. I want to fight back, to wound, to draw just as much blood as has been drawn from me. I want retaliation. I want justice!
And then I remember that justice was done away with at the cross.
To live under justice means to remove yourself from the cover of grace. The absurdity of the Christian faith is that people are not dealt with justly in the way that we define justice. Under the law of justice, we all deserve to go to Hell. None of us deserve to be in God's presence. None of us are good enough or smart enough to be considered an equal with God. None of us can come close to God without His provision. Grace wipes away what we deserve and replaces it with His love.
To deny anyone else that freely given love and grace would be the blackest of returns. Jesus Himself said that if we insist on holding others accountable to the law, then we will also be held to the same standard. Unfortunately, the standard is such that we all fail.
So what does that mean? People can do whatever they want to me without any form of repercussion? I just sit there and take it? It took me awhile to say it, but yes. Yes, you take it.
Does this mean I become a doormat who lets everyone take advantage of me? Not necessarily. We are urged to be as innocent as doves and as cunning as foxes. Yes, take care of yourself, but do it all while honoring God.
This is made easier when you realize who it is that you are dealing with. Every person you meet is a child of God. Each one has their own stories to tell and each one has been crafted by God's hands. God is a protective Father, and He does not take it lightly when people come between Him and His children. It puts a bit of fear in me when I consider how my actions might be preventing someone from having a full and healthy relationship with God. Whether or not they choose to have that relationship, I do not want to be the person standing in the way.
The hard truth is that we are left with no real choice. I have no choice about forgiving someone who has hurt me. I have no choice about showing someone love. I have no choice about treating someone with respect. Each person has a fingerprint of God, and I am left with no uncertain instructions about how I ought to treat them.
Is this easy when I become frustrated or angry or irritated? Of course not. That's why He gave us the Holy Spirit to help tap into His great love and mercy. There is no way I have enough love in my tiny, bitter heart to forgive anyone more than once, and even then it's half-hearted. With God, all things are possible, even loving those whose hurts cut the deepest.
I should probably point out here that I in no way execute this with any degree of proficiency. By God's grace, He has been transforming me more and more into His image, but I am certainly nowhere near completion. The wonderful thing about God is that He doesn't ask for perfection. He asks for my cold, tattered remnant of a heart and offers to replace it with His own. How can I turn down such an offer?
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Practice, practice, practice!
My heart is too full. I want to share what is happening. First of all, may I begin by saying that GOD IS GOOD!!! ALL THE TIME!!!
As I look back on the past school year, two things are made blindingly clear: the enemy is actively at work against us, and that God's grace really is enough. I have had my highest highs and my lowest lows, and God has taught me how to praise Him in both. I don't do it perfectly, but if nothing else can be said for this year, it's that He has given me lots of opportunities to practice trusting and praising Him. (for details, please refer back to previous entries!)
God has been stripping me of my dependence on anyone other than Him. This sounds uncomfortable, and it is, but it's also necessary. Last week, my pastor was asking if we could have none of the gifts God gives except for Himself, would He still be enough? I can honestly answer that yes, He is enough for me. I won't lie, on the outside I'm very comfortable. I have plenty of food, a safe and secure home, clothes on my back, a job that is very fulfilling, and I'm surrounded by people who are also seeking to serve God. On the outside, my life seems wonderful, and in many ways it is.
It does not come without a cost, though.
By being in Thailand, I have missed out on many things back in the States. I have not been able to see my nephews and nieces grow up. I have not been able to be there for my parents as I was before. I have not had the comfort and security most people take for granted of being able to hold a conversation with anyone I meet, such as taxi drivers, servers, or people I meet while traveling.
Instead of comforts, I've been given something else. Challenge.
For people who know me, I'm not exactly big on fighting. Endurance is NOT my strong suit. I usually strive for "good enough." I'm not likely to be the person who undertakes a challenge just for the fun of it. However, I do try to be the kind of person who is sensitive to God's calling. So even though I don't seek out challenges, I do endure them when God tells me to. This has definitely been a year of God telling me to endure, no matter how many times I've cried out against Him to let me rest. Instead of rest, He does something better; He gives me the strength I need.
As I look back on the past school year, two things are made blindingly clear: the enemy is actively at work against us, and that God's grace really is enough. I have had my highest highs and my lowest lows, and God has taught me how to praise Him in both. I don't do it perfectly, but if nothing else can be said for this year, it's that He has given me lots of opportunities to practice trusting and praising Him. (for details, please refer back to previous entries!)
God has been stripping me of my dependence on anyone other than Him. This sounds uncomfortable, and it is, but it's also necessary. Last week, my pastor was asking if we could have none of the gifts God gives except for Himself, would He still be enough? I can honestly answer that yes, He is enough for me. I won't lie, on the outside I'm very comfortable. I have plenty of food, a safe and secure home, clothes on my back, a job that is very fulfilling, and I'm surrounded by people who are also seeking to serve God. On the outside, my life seems wonderful, and in many ways it is.
It does not come without a cost, though.
By being in Thailand, I have missed out on many things back in the States. I have not been able to see my nephews and nieces grow up. I have not been able to be there for my parents as I was before. I have not had the comfort and security most people take for granted of being able to hold a conversation with anyone I meet, such as taxi drivers, servers, or people I meet while traveling.
Instead of comforts, I've been given something else. Challenge.
For people who know me, I'm not exactly big on fighting. Endurance is NOT my strong suit. I usually strive for "good enough." I'm not likely to be the person who undertakes a challenge just for the fun of it. However, I do try to be the kind of person who is sensitive to God's calling. So even though I don't seek out challenges, I do endure them when God tells me to. This has definitely been a year of God telling me to endure, no matter how many times I've cried out against Him to let me rest. Instead of rest, He does something better; He gives me the strength I need.
Monday, March 5, 2012
(Almost) the End of the School Year!!
Wow! It has certainly been awile since I've last updated. I have a reason for that. I was sick for 3 weeks. I find that funny, considering I got sick just a few days after my last post in which I hoped I would stop getting sick and/or injured. Ironies of life, eh? Well, Long story short, I was very sick for awhile there with a virus. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do with a virus except wait for it to go away. This resulted in me missing 2 weeks of teaching.
Typically, this would simply be an uncomfortable illness, but there were several other factors involved in this story. First of all, ALL of our administrators (English) were out of the country, leaving a competent Thai staff with limited English speaking skills and a few delegates to handle specific tasks, such as arranging for subs. This also coincided with the timing of 2 babies being born to teachers at our campus, which resulted in the 2 subs that we had going back and forth covering for the classes so that the families could bond. This left my poor Thai teacher with no subs for about 3 out of the 6 days I couldn't teach. Kru Som is definitely a rock star!
Aside from the administrative aspect, the 7-11 down our street was closed for a month to remodel it. This meant that I couldn't stock up on food and drinks (because I don't buy groceries here. It's cheaper to eat out for every meal, believe it or not). On the plus side, I was able to lose a good bit of weight! On the bad side, it was very difficult to stay hydrated.
This was my first time really being sick on my own. I had no family or friends to help, and I was too proud to ask, so I learned a lot about independence during this time. I learned anew about the uselessness of whining and found within me the drive to keep going. I learned to prioritize and that I can accomplish anything if it's important enough to me. It made me stronger. Well, emotionally anyway.
My favorite part, though, was going back to work. There is one little boy whom I have been having a lot of trouble with all year. He wasn't sure about whether or not he liked me, and we were engaged in a power struggle for a good 5-6 months. He's 3!! Well, when I came back, he made it clear that he'd really missed me. Ever since I've been back (going on 3 weeks now), he's been continuously seeking my approval and being openly affectionate (in his own way). If for nothing else, being sick was worth the victory of getting through to that little guy. Just in time for the school year to end. :P
6 more weeks, and I will be back in California!! I've missed my family and friends, and I can't wait to see them all again. I'm not sure what next year will bring when I return to Thailand in June, but I know that it is in God's hands. Throughout the entire year, He has made His presence known to me. He has been there in the highs as well as the extreme lows that have pervaded my second year abroad. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me next!
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