God Is Love...No Really, HE Is!!

Throughout the school year, I've been going over the Fruits of the Spirit with my students. We're down to the wire now, and are finishing Love, with Patience being our last fruit. (Get it, they had to wait for it.) Anyway, what better depiction of love than the resurrection story? So, we've spent pretty much the entire month of February on the build-up to and the after-math of the resurrection, as well as what happened in between. By the way, my interpretation of Peter's bravado in pledging his sword to Jesus' defense was received quite humorously. Moving on. Yesterday was our last day, and I truly felt the Spirit moving me to speak. During the entire year, I've been talking to my kids about why Jesus had to die, but yesterday, I suddenly saw it all so clearly.

Like many people, I've long had the struggle of saying that Jesus is the ONLY way to get to heaven. It sounds so egotistical to claim that I know the only true way, and anyone who believes differently is wrong and misguided, implying that I am much cleverer than them. I don't like feeling that way, as I know full well that there are people much smarter than me out there, many of whom do believe in a different religion. Anyway, yesterday when I was speaking with my kids, it felt like I had an epiphany. One of the first things I taught my kids was that the punishment for sin is death. That is a fact stated very clearly in the Bible. If you sin, it is a separation from God, and it makes you ineligible to go to Heaven. If you make 100 good decisions and 1 sin, you deserve to die and go to Hell. If you do 1000 good deeds and sin once, you still deserve to go to Hell. This is hard to accept, but that's the way of things. The only people who deserve to go to Heaven are perfect people who have never done a single sin from the day they were born to the day they died. Unfortunately for us, it is impossible for us to earn our way into Heaven. Fortunately, one Person did earn His way into Heaven. Jesus had to be born so that He could live a life worthy of earning a place in Heaven. When He died on the cross, He willingly offered to switch places with us. He went to Hell to take our place so we could use His good works and sinless life to get into Heaven. Like I said, only Perfect people deserve a ticket into Heaven. At the cross, Jesus offered us a seat swap. He took our place in Hell so we could take His place in heaven. I know that I'm repeating myself, but it's so astounding, I can't quite get over it.

The depth of love and self-sacrifice inherent in God's character stuns me. Once in awhile, I get a glimpse of how deep His love for humanity is, and it floors me. With His love, then, must come pain that I can't even fathom at the hate and hurt in the world. I tend to see myself as being somewhat tough and cynical, but then I hear stories that horrify me, and I realize I'm not as hardened as I've allowed myself to believe--and thank God for that!

Recently, I went up to Mae Sot, which is a town in the North of Thailand that is mostly filled with Burmese refugees. I was a part of a group that was visiting an orphanage that they had gone to a few months ago. We painted the girls' dormitory to make it a more cheerful habitat, as well as minister to the children and assist the on-site teachers with their needs. When we were returning, I was talking with a woman in our group who mentioned that the reason why we were able to visit the orphanage was because we were affiliated with the organization Imagine Thailand through our church, Evangelical Church of Bangkok. We were entering the compound through Imagine Thailand's reputation, and would likely not have been allowed in otherwise. Sadly, there are groups of people who enter orphanages claiming to help, only to prove to be child traffickers. They have to be very careful to try and protect their children so they don't end up being taken and then sold. Unfortunately, Thailand is huge in the human trafficking arena, especially with sex slaves. The industry is huge, and frightening in how widespread it is. I'm not very connected with this part of Thailand, my only real connection being that I attend a church that has an outreach to these people, but it definitely tugs on me. Sometimes, I look around, and I realize how sad God must be at the pain that fills His world. I don't know why He allows it to happen, but I trust Him when He says that, even when it looks hopeless, He is still always in control.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Bollax

bol*lax: (adj) an expression reserved for umpleasantly hopeless situations.

Well, that's my definition, anyway. Today started off as a bollax day. This was probably aided by my recent inability to sleep an entire night, which has resulted in two weeks worth of fatigue and irritability. There's a reason why I haven't been hanging around very many people lately. I want them to still like me, and not say stupid things to drive them away in a moment of extreme irritation. To this end, I keep my irrational self to myself.

Anyway, so I was already tired, but I was feeling pretty good, because I'd just gotten a new haircut and wanted to show it off to my family during our weekly skype session. I made myself all pretty, went down early, and settled in to wait for them to log on. There was just one little problem. During my wait, my computer decided that it could no longer connect to the internet. This has happened before, but usually when I'm some distance from the internet source, not 5 FEET AWAY!!!! So, I spent about half an hour fighting with it before giving up. Of course, the internet is working just fine for the staff computers, but I can't skype with them. :( Sadness.

Anyway, it was in the midst of my cursing the internet and its supposed parentage that I took a moment to think about why I'm so bothered by not talking to my family for one week. This has happened before, but not with this extreme of a reaction. The conclusion I came to is that I'm homesick. It took me 9 months to get there, but I am. I miss my family, especially Noah and Abby, and all I want is to hug them for at least 10 minutes straight (Or as long as I can get with a 4 year old).

Follow that up with the fact that a situation has recently arisen where I could really use some advice from my sister. I hate that I can't just go over to her house and flop down on her couch for some girl talk. I have great friends here, but it's not quite the same as having a heart to heart with someone who has known you your entire life. It really helps move things along when you don't have to preface the scenario with a personal background for the full effect to be understood.

So, I miss my family. I still love living and teaching in Thailand, but I want to go home. Just for a few days, and then return, but that's not really possible.

Yes, this note is a downer. I'm hoping the next one will be brighter.